LEXNUCLEUS

It’d be the third day that I’m here at your place. We’re in the same house, but we hardly talk and it hurts. I am happy though. I am happy to be given this chance to be somehow closer to you. I am thankful to your mom for letting me stay at your place for the meantime. She’s been really nice to me lately and thinking about how your family misunderstood me before, it’s something so rewarding. Like at long last, this is it, I’ve finally gotten what I’ve always wanted. And for her to say she treats me like her own daughter now, I feel more than just accepted. Even Lola is so nice to me. I am just really happy that I get along with them now. How I wish we would be like before too. I’d do and give anything just to bring back what we have baby, anything for you, anything for love.

For now, I know I have to be contented seeing you everyday at the breakfast table. It’s a priceless thing to see you every morning when you wake up and your hair is still unfixed. I have to be happy with the short glances and the short talks, and the chances of sneaking inside your room, the moment you go back to sleep, after you’ve taken your medications. I take every chance I could, to watch over you and hold you close while you’re sleeping. Because I know, the moment you wake up, you’d keep trying to avoid me again.

I miss those times when you had to ask me to be your angel and watch over you while you’re sleeping, most especially when you’re sick. And how you don’t want me to let go of your hand, because you feel safe when I’m around.

It hurts this way, but this is all I’ve got now. I know I have to be contented, with the stolen moments, stolen kisses, and I love yous. I keep on telling myself, I have to be contented with what you can give, and what you’d rather be to me - a friend.

Do you know that I’ve met up accidentally with our common friends during college? They said they were glad to see me, but the very first thing that they asked was how you’re doing. I told them, you’re doing just fine., and that you actually spend most of your time online, and connected to some online universities. They said, “well, that’s great! It’s nice to know that you guys are still together after all these years.” I didn’t really know what to say. If they only knew. They even invited me out to meet up with other friends too, and I said maybe next time. But, I doubt it if there’ll ever be next time because they said “Don’t forget to bring Lex along with you next time!” The question is, “Will you go with me?”

I don’t know why it’s so hard to say “We’re just friends now!” Perhaps because I don’t want us to be just friends. I want us to be like before, and I’m still not losing hope that we could mend whatever was broken.

I miss you, I don’t want just stolen moments with you. I want you back baby! I love you so much.